Alone

This came out of nowhere
Sorry?
“Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy.” (Proverbs 14:10)

fredrikwalkingmist

They say they understand.
They’ll walk a mile in your shoes.
They know it hurts cause they’ve been there too.
“Don’t be afraid. I’m here with you.
We’ll fight this together, we always do.
And last but not least…
You’re not alone.”
The ambiguous reassurance that
They can see into your heart
That they know where you’ve been
Where you’ve sat in the dark.
And you believe it
As the clock ticks and the days fly by
And then they forget about you
And you gotta ask why.
Cause as many times as they say
“You’re not alone.”
You know that in this life
Hearts never find their home.
A traveler, a wanderer
No one else can see into the soul,
It’s joys and pains and griefs
They are yours alone to hold.
They can criticize your choices
Make assumptions of your mind
Tell you what you should be feeling
Tell you not to cross the line.
In this life here also
You’re alone, best face it now
Because as many come to comfort you
They are only guessing how.
Until they’ve sat on your steps
And put failed wishes on the stars
Until they’ve walked the lonely walks
And felt the burning scars…
They will never understand the deepest pangs
Of bitterness and joy
That torment you and break you down
How you’re wired to destroy.
God alone can see inside you
Knows the motives and the heart
Can rebirth your lonely spirit
Program for a new restart.
But others only shoot an arrow
Hit a stripe on what you’re going through
You’re not alone, but are alone!
If they missed the bullseye, take the cue.

I wrote this…because I finally realized something.
I can’t expect people to understand why I made the choices I did.
They can only judge from the outside…they will never know what I went through, the experiences that  made me who I am today, or what it feels like to make an ultimate, definitive decision in which no side lacks pain or casualties…a decision where both you and someone else will get hurt…to figuratively be handed a gun and told to shoot someone you love…one side or another. You have to choose. And then you are told not to look back.
Honestly, if you’ve never been there, you’ll never understand. You can try, but you will NEVER understand. You will never understand the aftershock and pain and paranoia and depression that making such a decision leaves behind. It lingers…on and on and on….
There are deep agonies and pits that other people have experienced that I will never understand either…I can imagine what they went through…but I’ll never know. In some things, we will always be ignorant even toward those we are closest too.
Anyway…
I’m tired of trying to explain myself…my reasons…how things feel. I’m so tired.
Thank God He’s there. I need Him every hour.
But you know what? I’ve finally accepted it…
People can help. They can be there. I can help them. I can be there.
But sometimes, we just can’t understand each other.
And in some things…I have to face the truth…
I walk alone.

 

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One comment

  1. Each heart is beautiful & unique to each other. Every heart is a place of its own, its a world of its own, its a universe of its own.
    It has it’s own stars, moons & suns!
    It has its own jungles, seas & mountains!
    We may sour & we may soar!
    But experiences & feelings to one heart is unique to another.
    That uniqueness, that difference between different hearts makes one’s heart naturally a solo.
    A single player , a one man guy!
    So don’t be afraid “lonely heart”.

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