Today has been hard for me, folks. Something happened earlier that made me wonder if I have any clue at all where I am going in life…what I want…what I don’t want. No matter how much I have rejected the past, all I have to do is look up in the rearview mirror, because it is trailing behind me like a shadow.
Have you ever felt like you just can’t escape? Like whatever choice you make, things will end up the same? It’s like sitting on a boardwalk, and looking down the wooden planks…how they start out big at your feet but gradually get smaller and smaller until you can see the end…and then only blue ocean beyond. You know that the ocean is at the end of the boardwalk, cold and dangerous and empty, but you keep walking over the planks anyway. Because there is nowhere else to go…except to jump off before you reach the end. The only problem with that is you will never know what would have happened between the place you now sit and the end of the boardwalk. What if you had just kept walking?
We all have the option–quit or keep going.
And sometimes, my mind won’t stop whirling. Someday’s I feel like I am stuck on Chapter 7 in a Nicholas Sparks book, or right in the middle of the Two Towers…at the point where the crisis is over but the climax hasn’t started yet. At the point where you really have no clue how the story will turn out. Everything is gray, neutral…
Because just when I think things can’t get deeper, harder, more intricate, or more complicated, they do just that. Today showed me that, while I think sometimes that I jumped into a pit, I actually jumped down the rabbit hole from Alice and Wonderland. And I just keep falling…
Do you feel me?
Hahahahahahahaha…life is such a crazy, insane mess. Some of this stuff is too weird to actually be happening…but it’s happening anyway.
At any rate people, if you feel me, if you’ve felt any of the things I mentioned, then maybe you’ll be encouraged by a song I found today. I certainly was. Because you know what? When we are staring down that boardwalk, unsure of where to place our next step…sometimes we don’t want advice. We don’t want answers. We don’t even want to have everything figured out. We don’t want perfection, sunshine, daisies, and perfect endings.
In those moments, I want someone to hold me and tell me it will all be ok.
“Fall asleep to dreams of home, where the waves are crashing.
The only place I’ve ever known, now the future has me.
I see the fire in the sky,see it all around me.
I said the past is dead, the life I had is gone.
Said I won’t give up, until I see the sun…
Waking up and letting go, to the sound of angels.
Am I alive or just a ghost haunted by my sorrows?
Hope is slipping through my hands, gravity is taking hold.
Said I’m not afraid, that I am brave enough.
I will not give up, until I see the sun.
Hold me now!!!
‘Til the fear is leaving, I am barely breathing.
These tired wings are falling, I need you to catch me.
Hold me now…”
These are the lyrics to part of the song “Hold Me Now” by Red. And they really got to me today. Because you know what? I want someone to hold me, and I’ve been looking in all the wrong places. I’ve been thinking I’m alone.
There is someone who holds me, even when I don’t even realize that He’s there…
“Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.” (Psalm 73:23)
“For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, ‘Do not fear; I will help you.‘” (Isaiah 41:13)
I am not alone on that boardwalk, and neither are you. There is Someone else there…and you know the best part? He is the one who built the boardwalk, and made the ocean around it. And he will keep holding us until the very end of it.
I’m praying for you….
Have a great evening.