“You think that the only truth that matters is the truth that can be measured. Good intentions don’t count. What’s in your heart doesn’t count. Caring doesn’t count. But a man’s life can be measured by how many tears are shed when he dies. Just because you can’t measure them— just because you don’t wanna measure them, doesn’t mean it’s not real.”
Remember where that’s from?
I watched the season 2 finale of House this morning. I love that show. My ex got me started on it, and for awhile after we broke up, I didn’t want to watch it. But about two weeks ago, I hit up Netflix again. “No Reason” is definitely the best one I’ve seen so far.
Because it hits at the essence of life itself…
And I’ve been pondering that alot lately.
How am I supposed to be living?
Am I supposed to be cynical, because the world is so full of pain, broken hearts, dysfunctional families, death, and false expectations that I may as well give in now….stop expecting so much from it….maybe then I’ll never be disappointed?
Am I supposed to live in fear…because there is so much to be afraid of…am I supposed to run from the hardship and consequences and to avoid conflict at all costs?
Am I supposed to live for myself…my dreams, my ideals…and just hope no one else that I’m affecting gets caught in the crossfire?
Am I supposed to blindly follow those around me…because it’s safe…because it’s easy to blend in?
Am I supposed to live for the moment…grab all the gusto right now…because heaven knows it doesn’t last?
Am I supposed to chase after love…like the movies tell me to…because in the end whether I’m living or dying, is that all that matters?
Am I supposed to build a kingdom in this world…fame, stuff, careers…and hope that those things will fill up the emptiness inside for all of eternity?
Am I supposed to be living any particular way at all?
What do you think?
Because I don’t know.
People have been telling me lately that I need to make a “one year plan” and a “five year plan” and then try to work toward those goals…because maybe that will give me more focus…maybe it will help me choose one of those questions and answer yes to it. I’m going to do it, with the knowledge that the future isn’t everything, and that those plans could be gone in the blink of an eye, or they may be fulfilled. Who knows? Really, who knows? Do you really know the answer to why you’re here?
All I know today is that I will take one more step in the right direction…knowing that God has his hands around me…and that I want to love people and help them…and that I want to be as content and joyful as possible…because even with the pain of this life…there is an eternity coming when I will never have to ask those questions anymore. Wow.
Back to House…
Even though he’s my favorite character, and even though the guy that shot him is a deranged psychopath, I love what he tells House: “And even if I’m wrong, you’re still miserable. Did you really think that your life’s purpose was to sacrifice yourself and get nothing in return? No. You believe that there is no purpose. To anything. Even the lives you save you dismiss. You turn the one decent thing in your life and you taint it, strip it of all meaning. You’re miserable for nothing. And I don’t know why you’d wanna live.”
In all the other episodes, it was determined that House was cold, heartless, cared nothing for nobody, and was miserable. Because he told himself there was no meaning to anything. Anything. Not the pain in his leg, not his relationships, not even his job. Nothing had meaning.
That’s why he was miserable!
He didn’t ask himself questions about life…didn’t ask himself what life was for…because he believed it had no purpose.
I disagree. Life has purpose. Pain has purpose. Happiness has purpose. And when you lose the knowledge of that, you lose the essence of life. Just because I can’t pinpoint the exact reason why everything happens, or the exact semantics of why I live, doesn’t mean that’s it’s purposeless. Which means that I don’t have to be miserable…