What’s Inside My Head

light-in-the-darkness

Transparency is cleansing.
Honesty is eye-opening.
I don’t know everything and I am certain of nothing, so why should I pretend like I’ve got it all together?
Most days, I feel like there are two sides of me–a dark side and a light side, call them Jekyll and Hyde, or Smeagol and Gollum  if you’d like–and they are both competing for dominance.
It’s like a song by one of my favorite bands:

I can breathe and I still feel
But not the way I want to
I’m on the edge, I don’t know how
I can escape this nightmare

I confess I’m always afraid
Always ashamed of what’s inside me
I confess I’m always afraid
Always ashamed of what’s inside my head
What’s inside my head

–“Confession” by Red–

What’s inside my head? That’s a good question. Sometimes it makes me happy. Sometimes it gives me truth and hope. Sometimes it terrifies me.
Darkness and Light.
It’s a continuing battle, and even in my dreams the two enemies do not sleep.
I thought it would be interesting to write about what each one says…crouching on my shoulder, whispering in my ear…when all else is silent, the two voices I can never escape.
Darkness and Light.
Maybe you will discover that they are hiding in you shadow too, filling your head with a mixture of truth and lies that feels nearly impossible to navigate. Because as different as people are, they really are not so different when it comes to the battlefield. Everyone fights, everyone falls, everyone wins or loses, everyone is afraid.
So tell me, what does the darkness tell you? What does the light say in response? Which one wins in the end?
The next series of posts will answer those questions from my perspective….transparent…honest…real…uncloaking…revealing…
I confess…what’s inside my head.

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