These days, everyone is like “speak positive thoughts within your soul and repost this picture on your Facebook wall, and all your dreams will come true if you believe that you have the power to fly….”
*skeptical eyebrow raise*
I don’t know about you, but that sounds more like Peter Pan than real life to me. And honestly, we laugh like, “hah, who could believe that crap?” all while that little inner voice is telling us that we have believed one of those lies before. That’s where most disappointment comes from–believing a lie. And honestly, what disappointment is worse than that of your love life?
Going with that, what lies have you heard that have given you disappointment in your love life? I have ten in my pocket right now–ones that I heard, believed, rejected, rejected again, and am now debunking just so I will remember that they are indeed lies. Here we go….
1. Love is easy.
This is the unspoken one. We disguise it in princess movies, New York Times bestsellers, relationship blogs, and Valentine’s Day promotions. But really, at the heart of many of those is simply the lie that love is a walk down Main Street. It is also the fueling power behind most Hollywood blockbusters. Think about it–attractive guy falls for attractive girl and dah, dah,dah, happily ever after–the movie screams, “that looks nice!” and whispers “love is as easy as this.”
2. Love is easy if I find my soulmate.
Haha, this one is even more sneaky than the first one. In order to explain why many couples are so unhappy today, someone came up with the idea, “Oh, it’s because the person you’re with isn’t your soulmate.” This leaves them wondering if their soulmate is that attractive guy on Tender or the cashier at Starbucks, and consequently going on a multitude of whirlwind relationships trying to find “the one.” In the end, the only criteria people will give you for a “soulmate” is “they make you feel good.” *Cue dramatic downfall music*
3. If I am with the right person, I will always feel amazing.
Actually, being in a relationship is about the same as being single in terms of ups and downs. Only being with someone generally means that your good days get alot better and your bad days get alot worse. You’re welcome for that analogy. However, whether in a relationship or out, you are still you and humanity is still humanity. The person you are with is going to be crabby, angry, grumpy, hungry, tired, sick, depressed, and discouraged, and so are you. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you will feel amazing. Conversely, just because you go through a hard time with someone doesn’t mean they aren’t the one for you.
4. The right person will complete me.
I honestly think this is one of the most disappointing things about relationships. The other person is supposed to be the other half of my broken heart, right? And when I put the two together, it will be whole again, right? Honestly, I believe if that were true, our lives would be pointless from there on out. If a relationship completed us, would we want to seek God, serving others, changing the world, dreams, goals, or eternity? We were born to believe that a relationship would provide the box-cover picture for the puzzle we are making–the solution to all the questions of our whole life. Actually, a relationship just provides someone who will sit beside you and help put together their puzzle–but you’ve also got to help put together theirs.
5. If I don’t feel like I love someone anymore, I need to get out of the relationship asap.
This may sound like something Spock would say, but emotion is fleeting. Happiness is temporary. Sadness is temporary. Why then do we expect the euphoria of initial love to last forever? The worst part is that we think, “Oh no, I don’t feel sensational about her anymore…something must be wrong with our relationship,” when in fact what we feel is normal. The good thing is that true love, which is based on choices more than on feelings, really does last forever. The bad (?) part is that you have to stick around long enough to learn that kind of love.
(to be continued later in the week–comment below any other lies you know about love 🙂 And have a great evening!)