It’s all over.
This week, from Sunday onward, has been incredibly difficult for me. Today, it nearly pushed me to the breaking point.
It is odd how much can be contained in seven days. Past pains, happiness that turns to grief, loneliness, memories–and then new challenges, daily exhaustion, constant stress, and pressure that seems unrelenting at times. It has been real, it has been long, and at times it seemed like it would never end. But it did. And right now, I am writing this and smiling because it’s over.
But is that really why I am smiling?
Not exactly. I am smiling today because in every aspect of this tumultuous week, He has been there. I talked to Him constantly–while driving, working, walking, before bed, in the middle of the night when I woke up, crying in my car during breaks, in the middle of the store. I begged him for help. I begged him for strength. I begged Him for peace, because I couldn’t find it. I could not find it.
And slowly, but surely, He provided unexpectedly. Instead of stopping the storm, He gave me His hand and walked me through it. He gave me courage to face the hurt, courage to face the stress, courage to face the confusion. And more than anything else, he renewed my faith….and gave me, on February 14, ten thousand reasons for my heart to be….not lonely, but thankful. Life. Health. Prayer. Eternity. Family. Friends. Work. School. Food. Words. Provision Forgiveness. Church. Freedom. Himself.
As one of my friends pointed out on Facebook today, “the shape of true love is not a diamond, but a cross.”
And that is why I am smiling on Valentine’s Day 2015.
In my last post, I presented a couple different voices of “alone.” My intent in that was not to be one of those whiny single people who complains about being forever alone all day and ruins it for couples everywhere. My intent was not to bemoan my life, as if I’m not happy. My intent was not to make anyone else feel any lonelier or unhappy . My true intent was to contradict the pressure of a holiday. In a world that feels like they need to smile, celebrate, and have fun on holidays, I wanted to show that it’s okay to feel alone sometimes–even on a holiday. You don’t need to fake it. You don’t need to pretend. I also wanted to show that it’s not just 20-something singles who feel alone in regards to relationships. It’s teenagers, married middle-aged people, young parents, widowed older folks, and sometimes you and me. I wanted to show that because you feel alone only means that you are joining a brotherhood of people that understand. Thus, you are not truly alone. 🙂
I have to leave now. This week has taught me something new about February 14–besides the fact that I already have one true love that will last forever. It has also taught me that Valentine’s Day isn’t a celebration of emotions, or gifts, or a brief day of lovey-doveyness. Or at least it shouldn’t be. You know what it is a celebration of? Loyalty. It’s a celebration of commitment. And you can have that both inside or outside of a romantic relationship. It can be with your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife but it can also be with friends, family, or perfect strangers. After all, it’s a day about love! ❤
My goal, for the rest of today, is not to focus on my “singleness” but to focus on the meaning of that verse, and how it can be shown to the people who are in my life right now.
With that being said, Happy Valentine’s Day! ❤
Ten Thousand Reasons