I Will Learn to Love the Skies I’m Under

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Last week there were gray skies. The slush piled up in the parking lots and in the evenings the sky was red around the edges with the promise of storms. Today they are blue. It feels like summer in Utopia–the perfect tickle of wind, white clouds, and sunlight. It feels like it was meant to last forever.
“I will learn to love the skies I’m under”- speaks for both gray skies and blue ones. Some days will be ethereal, and I hope then that my heart will sing to its Creator and dance in the sunlight. But when they are gray, I want my heart to remember to hope. I want it to remember the answered prayers of yesterday, the strength of today, and the promises for tomorrow. And those promises speak of a day when the blue skies will really last forever.
I still have so much to learn. I’m sure that up ahead are darker clouds, tornadoes, and vicious hurricanes that will rip me to the core. Sometimes I feel very afraid of those storms. I imagine them at night and think about them while I drive to school or work. I wonder how the pain will be–physical or mental? And will the storms bring death or just prolong the suffering of life?
And then I remember that I know the One who rules over the storms and the sunshine, and am comforted. He is my promise on the bad days and my joy on the good days. Because of this, I am not the same person that I was ten years ago or ten months ago. I am more at peace. Even when life goes haywire and my dreams go A-wall, I don’t feel like I’m falling apart. God has given me hope–not that things will be perfect here, but that He will help me conquer everything and fight for the gold.
I’m glad to have that peace. It keeps my crazy, stubborn side more at bay. It has helped me this year not to worry a little bit less (although I still struggle ALOT with that) about my future….about relationships, who I will marry, if I will marry, when I will go to school, what will happen to my family, what will happen when my friends move away, how I will cope with physical ailments, how I will afford college, how I will deal with loneliness, what I will do for a career. But a little bit less worry goes a long way. πŸ™‚ I remember lying in my bed last year, crying because I was so confused about my direction in life. How could I make choices when I didn’t have a clue what I wanted? How could I leave the past behind and move forward? How could I possibly choose a single path? What if it didn’t work out? What if I failed miserably again?
And then slowly, those questions disappeared by His grace. I’ve been making decisions lately–not flurried, hurried, panicked, horrified decisions–but just the ones that make me smile and say, “Yes, that’s how I want it.” There is only one way to do things (God’s way), but there are many different paths that “one way” can take. I used to think that it was up to other people to decide which way I was taking–my parents, my ex, my friends, my teachers, my critics. So, with every decision, I stressed about what other people would think, if they were right or wrong, and how it would turn out. Don’t get me wrong–advice is great. Being consumed by advice is not great, however.
So I’m trying to do better. I’ve made a plan for the year and am now bracing myself for the changes (which always come, don’t ya know? πŸ™‚ ) I listened to advice, I prayed, and then made a decision. I decided where I wanted to go to school, and when. I decided what I want to be doing in the meantime, and when that will start. I decided about taking trips, and saving money, and paying bills, and hobbies, and graduation and relationships and such. It was hard, but I made a decision. For some people, that may not seem like much, but for me, it’s a great victory. πŸ™‚
I might talk about those plans later on. I have a couple posts laid out (although I have been very busy with the mid-semester workload and other things)–I want to write something else about my struggle with confidence, something about my love philosophy, some sort of short story, maybe a poem, another devotional…you get the idea.
At any rate, I’m sorry for disappearing so much lately. I hope that whether your sky today is blue or gray, that you will have hope and remember His promises. And dance in the snow, or in the rain, or in the sunshine, because that’s just the way to love life. Have a fantastic day πŸ™‚ ❀

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