“You make love…and marriage…sound like a bad thing.”
I was standing in the parking lot after my statistics class a few months ago when my friend made that statement. It caught me like a slap in the face. “Yeah, I guess I do.”
Since my failed relationship, I have viewed romantic love as cancer. A person can be healthy, and within the course of a few months, the disease can leave them withered. Not only does cancer ravage the lives of the patient, but it breaks the hearts of family, friends, and neighbors. It destroys, it brings pain, and it ultimately steals life.
That is how I have viewed love. A disease that I had once and never want to have again.
That has changed some in the past months. Now I would say that I would like to have another relationship someday. However, the process of learning to love again is long. And I am sick of the world’s way of doing it. I am sick of how I did it. I am sick of the facebook posts, the drama, the victim mentality, the obsessions, the scars, the “follow your heart” encouragements, the definition of love itself.
Love is so much more than what I believed it to be. I have seen it in other people. I have experienced it through my family and through God. I am reading through the Psalms right now and every chapter is full of phrases like “steadfast love” and “unfailing love.” God is concerned about this love–this powerful force that is more than a social media catchphrase. I am also reading a book called Because He Loves Me, which encourages Christians to not just believe the gospel, but to see how God’s love affects every moment of every day…how it changes our lives and perspectives and hearts.
God put so much emphasis on love, so much instruction toward how we are to live in it, and the gospel itself is love at its utmost. I am living because of love and I will live forever because of love.
I want to know what that kind of love means. I want to know how it relates to those around me. I want to know what it means for romantic relationships.
And I’m tired of believing the lies.
Because of this, I have decided to practice writing short stories and also experiment with ideas about love in literature. I have one, hopefully appearing tomorrow, that is a mash-up of “A Poison Tree” by William Blake and Faust by Goethe. Following that is a combination of Cinderella and “The Diary of a Madman.” I’m excited. 🙂
I am also considering posting an interview that I did for my World Literature class about love.It really influenced my viewpoints and helped define what has changed in my opinion of love. Maybe I will, maybe not. We shall see.
Any and all feedback on anything I write or say would be appreciated. ❤
The poem that inspired one of the stories I have been penning, if you haven’t read it previously:
“A Poison Tree”
By William Blake
I was angry with my friend;
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow.
And I waterd it in fears,
Night & morning with my tears:
And I sunned it with smiles,
And with soft deceitful wiles.
And it grew both day and night.
Till it bore an apple bright.
And my foe beheld it shine,
And he knew that it was mine.
And into my garden stole,
When the night had veild the pole;
In the morning glad I see;
My foe outstretched beneath the tree.