thalassophobia

ocean
I thought I saw you once.
Behind the walls I had built around myself
That only let ideas in and dreams out
I thought I saw you look at me,
and ask me to accept all the things you could be.
But I was lost inside my own dark places
I ignored the signs, and I’m sorry I couldn’t see.
Gasping for a breath of what they call life,
Grasping at the waves that evaded my fingertips,
I sank deeper, and that’s when I really saw you
Cold lips with bubbles trailing to the surface
Hands that were limp and far from earthly light.
I saw you there, and somehow found the will to fight.
Between the current and the anchor of my darkness,
I found your hand–you pulled us deeper
The spot of light in the water was fading
And oceans swept over my head, as I was aiding
you in your descent, and me in mine.
Something above was calling for me to rise
A white and blue boat chartered for our rescue,
But only one life preserver, splashing above my head
With the rain in the ceaseless storm, as I took a
breath above the waters, still holding to your hand.
Then they pulled me in alone, and somehow I let go.
It seems like a nightmare, and I will never know
Exactly what happened to you that day in my dream.
Maybe you learned to swim despite the darkness
Maybe you drowned and saw what lurks beneath the sea.
I wonder if your face will drift through my dreams again
If someday we will meet at the seaside and know our journey’s end.
I’m sorry I couldn’t save you–
I’m sorry that we took the jump when we couldn’t swim
I’m sorry that we lost our hearts in that ocean of sin,
I’m sorry that it took dark waters to help us see,
But maybe it was the drowning that taught us to be free.

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