Years Ago, Years Tomorrow

Time-Thingy

I wrote this meditation last fall and for one reason or another never published it. However, I read it again today and it brought me back to last year. I smiled thinking of how much things have changed, and yet how much has remained the same.
I hope you enjoy this snapshot from just a few short months ago.


“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times,
it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness,
it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity,
it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness,
it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair,
we had everything before us, we had nothing before us,
we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way.”
A Tale of Two Cities, Charles Dickens

The story of so many lives–told in the best beginning to any story ever written–a paradox that defines the hours of existence and the cycle of breathing. A revolution, a rotation, a roller coaster of time. A smile, a tear, a sweat, a shiver. The green grass of April and the bite of December. Years ago, and years tomorrow. The story of many lives, the story of mine.

It was the best of times…when I filmed my friends chasing each other with lightsabers around campus and clashing swords in a bookstore…when they dance to Christmas music at work and I laugh so hard I cry…when I sing the same song loud and clear with the windows down….when I make new friends, give hugs, work hard, dream deeply…

It was the worst of times…the age of memory, of looking back, of challenging the present in light of the past, of listening to sad songs on rainy gray days when the road is lonely and has no end, sitting at parks with coffee remembering things that seem so far away that they are almost like a dream or a nightmare….

It was the age of wisdom…the thrill of a speech well made, an open book, a paper fresh with black ink sitting on a desk, waiting to be graded, video edits, a loudspeaker, a poster torn by runners, applause, learning, leading

It was the age of foolishness…decisions that don’t make sense, mistakes made over and over again, saying yes to whatever is asked of my non-superwoman self, leaving at 7:14 when it takes twenty minutes to get there, saying I’ll go when I mean no…

It was the epoch of belief…rekindled flame, forgiveness undeserved, services on cushioned seats around friendly, familiar faces, children running through the halls, concern and care…

It was the epoch of incredulity…unanswered prayers, Giant Despair in his castle of stone, beggings of mercy for wrongs done, doubt of forgiveness, guilt and shame…

It was the season of Light…looking out over shiny water and believing it will be okay someday…holding on for a chance to be whole again…remembering and yet releasing…sipping coffee alone with a laptop and a smile…

It was the season of Darkness…tortured dreams, beating heart, sweat, and gasping at the smallest broken memory, fear at faces I remember, fear of things I will forget, fear of life, fear of death, fear of love, fear of being alone, uncertainty…

It was the spring of hope…dawn of new decisions, bricks and waterfronts, happiness of moving forward, plans, budgets, scholarships, roommates, visiting a future home doused in sunlight and hoping I’ll belong…

It was the winter of despair…dread of homesickness, financial problems, paychecks snatched away by broken things and misplaced trust, stress of today, distress of tomorrow…

We had everything before us….the hope of adventure, the thrill of uncertainty, the desires of passion, the principles of love, the hope of a beating heart and a spirit awakened…

We had nothing before us…like leaving a brilliant city in the past and driving into the desert, life so fleeting, so uncertain, so broken and painful, for I have left the innocence of children behind me and embraced the darkness…

We were all going direct to Heaven…a Savior arms wide to receive, perfect salvation, acceptance and obedience, trust and hope for a tomorrow with no more tears or scars…

We were all going direct the other way….sin and sorrow, thorns bristling around the roots of reborn faith, distress and busyness tearing at the leaves and blossoms, the world seeks with all its might to tear and break me away from my first love…..

This is the story of my life, and I return with much to say and even more to write. Thank you for strapping in your seatbelts for this ride, whether you live in Cyprus or Australia or Brazil or the United Kingdom or the USA. It’s going to be a long journey, and I don’t know what’s around the bend.

But I’ll send you a postcard when I get there. πŸ™‚
Until tomorrow… ❀

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